Why Getting Married Young Isn't Such A Bad Thing

My husband and I got engaged when we were just 18 years old. It was one of the happiest days of my life, even if didn’t quite go according to plan (long story there). And then, nearly ten months later we got married at just 19 years old. Most people were very happy for us and encouraged us and were Godly examples for us to follow.

Others, well, not so much. No one ever told me outright that it was crazy I was getting married so young. But there were a few occasions when I told people I was engaged and they definitely gave me funny looks, possibly questioning my judgement or whether I happened to be pregnant. I wasn’t.

So why on earth would I go and do something crazy like marry my best friend? (Gee I dunno, maybe because we were in love?) Why would I miss out on my youth and settle down so young?

Maybe because marriage isn’t about ME. Maybe it’s about making a life with the person I love more than anyone in the world. If I get to spend the rest of my life living for someone else, caring for their needs and their happiness, is that wasting my youth?

It seems that the past several decades there has been this strange taboo on getting married young, even when fifty or sixty years ago people got married right out of high school all the time. In fact, both of my grandparents married their high school sweethearts and had marriages that lasted more than fifty years. Fifty years people!

Interestingly enough, I’ve realized recently that I know A LOT of people who are rebelling against this cultural norm and getting married young anyway. And who doesn’t love a rebel?

And I’ve started to realize that us “crazy kids” getting married young have several things in common. Things that actually aren’t that crazy.

For one; We don’t want to live together before we get married.

I know. Absolute, utter nonsense. I remember when I was engaged both my parents got a ton of flack for letting their 19 year old daughter get married. “Why don’t they just live together?” People asked them, as if somehow that was a better alternative. But what is the difference really between getting married and living together, except that in one case you’ve made a lifetime commitment to another person and in the other case there will always be one foot out the door. Just in case.

But in marriage, there is no, one-foot-in, one-foot-out. It’s all or nothing. Which brings me to my next point.

We understand the sanctity and commitment of marriage.

We don’t want to date around. We don’t want to party. We value things like marriage and family and commitment.

Most of the people I know who don’t want to settle down are people who like to drink and party and mess around. They don’t want to be tied down. They want experiment. They think marriage is a piece of paper and it doesn’t mean anything.

We disagree. We believe there is so much more to life than partying. Like serving our spouse, even when we aren’t “feeling the love.” We want a family, and to raise our children in an upright manner. Most of all though, we aren’t afraid to settle down and commit to one single person for the rest of our lives.

I wonder who is really more mature?

Lastly; We want to start our lives with the person we love.

I’ve never actually seen the movie but I’ve heard the quote, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” (When Harry Met Sally)

I’m not sure I could really say it any better. If you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, whether at 19 or 39, why wait?

Because age equals maturity? I think everyone knows that’s not really true in the long run. Some people are ready to be married at 19 and others not until much later.

But, I digress. The point is, getting married young is not such a bad thing. Every morning I get to wake up to the man of my dreams. And fall asleep next to him every night.

We get to build a life together. My husband and I never lived together, so when we moved in together after we got married we got to enjoy the newness of getting married. We learned more about each other (for better or worse). We figured out how to work as a team and do things together. We weren’t stuck in our old ways like some people are when they enter into marriage.

But one of the best things about getting married young; we get to be there for all those big milestones in life. I got to be there when my husband was accepted into his program. I’ll get to be there when he graduates and when he gets his first job as an ultrasound tech. We got to experience the joy of having our first child together. We will get to go through life together, enjoying the ups and downs together.

I can’t imagine anything better than going through life with my favorite person by my side. Sure there will be (and there have been) storms along the way. We’ve been thrown more than a couple of curveballs. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies and happy young love. Sometimes it’s really hard. It takes work. But it is always worth it in the end.

So yes, getting married young isn’t a bad thing at all. And though some people might find it a little crazy, I don’t feel like I’m missing out at all. It has been the greatest adventure, and I look forward to many more.